Swimming upstream

Drop me down in paradise,
pair of jacks and loaded dice.
Lucky me to have this place,
young spirit and aging face.

Aware I have lived
a life before.
Haunting me
and wanting more.

Misplaced soul
constantly tauting me.
Shadowing my life
trying to break free.

Unrecognizable room
from another year.
Unfamilar face in
an stoic mirror.

Lifting, Loafting
Children's song.
Familar and
it pulls me along.

All rivers lead to oceans
and so does my dream.
I'm fighting the flow
and swimming upstream.

Not perfect but "lucky"

A constant polish of redundant routine.

Scrubbing the scabs until they are clean.

Mechanical motions of life mundane.

Déjà vu, no thank you, it all sounds the same.

Unavoidable duty pushes my plight.

It follows me on inescapable flights.

Under palm trees and thatched huts.

Nursing dependants and avoiding ruts.

Its not all bad but it is all the same.

Laughable moments left heavy with pain.

Unquestionable questions from embryonic beaks.

Filling with air and plugging the leaks.

Disconnected and interjected.

Try and try to be rejected.

Flecks of sparkle in the air.

Had you forgotten there were stars out there?

Lost in this strange unlivable life.

Cutting mediocrity with a borrowed knife.

Homeless home and helpless state.

Sugar in the raw with soggy cornflakes.

I know it all, for myself that’s true.

Now how do I get through me to you.

And you and you and her and him too.

I can cut all the cords but two.

Defied by doubt and homesteads song.

Searching for safety but lost for so long.

Lucky to have all I have but the truth?

I'm chasing fairies and the comforts of youth.

Big thoughts tortured by reality.

Imagined life of uncertainty.

Then a childs song reminds the heart.

To do what you're doing and play the part.

Attacked in my mind and doubting myself. 

Pick carefully your trust from the dusty shelf. 

If it's so and I am, then fuck em all. 

When were they here? I don't recall. 

About life.

Completely unprepared

and unquestionably unaware.

And there you were.

Just a speck in a blur.

A story with no break.

Built of decisions I make.

Many chapters on the shore

with outcomes rich and poor.

There are holes in the ozone and here in my mind.

There is space to move forward but not to rewind.

Structured time

Misinterpreted place.

Broken pathways

Unbeautiful face.

So callous and compact the alliances composed.

Allowing the twisted to twist and expose.

Digging and reinterpreting what it’s all about

How dare you invite me into your doubt.

Its good to release and hold on and let go.

Its hard to question yourself, forgive and forgo.

I know nothing for sure except they all judge

but I’m better, and bigger and hold no grudge.