Universe

Fun, funny little people
imagined stress
Combining lives
into a unit

Unity, united little people
honest hope
Clasping hands
into the universe

Deep, light little people
heart-filled
Unknowing power
into one another and everything else

Soon I will stand up.

Crippled lonely mind. Questioning the times.
Why is everyone quickly blindly walking to nowhere.
A mass movement of thoughtlessness.

They do not know where they go.
Forward towards predictability.
How do you feel safe there?

When did it get so complicated.
Walking backwards with my shoes nailed to the floor.
Time? So absolutely terrifying.

The one successful man in the crowd, pulling those strings and making the world dance.
Dig it up, fill it in, cover it over, dress it up, and sell it again.
Oh, and I am the cynic.
Meant to feel guilty for exercising my right to wonder if you have my best interest at heart.

I don't trust you.
You know it.
You will bury me in my own naivety.

I might know nothing, or maybe just enough to want to learn more.
Shame my curiosity but it's bubbling.
I am not alone, although you would love for me to think that.

I can not forgive, I will not forget.
And soon I will stand up.
You will have no choice but to hear me.

If you cover your ears,
You will have no choice but to see me.
And when you close your eyes,
you will feel me, us,

and our love for this place.

Home

Standing at the edge of the world
Lulled by the massive movement sprawled before me.
My thoughts empty
and I am at a loss

Every insecurity falls at my feet
and washes away
I am so small
I am home

Does not everyone feel so blessed here?
or is it my wholeness
for once
that gifts me alone in this moment?

How did I get so far from this place?
When did I find my way back?
Irrelevant.
I am home

The breaks pound my past sorrow
like ancestral applause.
Waves embrace my feet
Shore holds me firm
I am home

I thought I was missing a piece
I came here to see
But alas I was the missing piece
and now
I am home

I am home in every way
when I close my eyes every day
Reality is this dream I live
as time rolls away
...home

If I don't really make it there
I can rest now for my spirit knows
where to go
when my heart begins to slow
go home

What says?

What says the quiet man who does not see well. Who has indeed seen everything up to this moment and only smiles slyly at new developments. What says the woman who holds no more doubt in her heart. Who has no answers but no more questions. Seeking the moment of pure unattainable contentment. For accomplishment only leads to more possibility and contentment is stagnate and stifling.

What says the dog who loves you unconditionally. His soul more genuine than any human spirit. He is witness to a window on your life. He is everything in his bones cradled in loose fur. You are undeserving of his love but you are grateful. 

Endless pursuits to what end? Is a purposeless life less valuable. Is my purpose so small that you can not see it? You are so beautiful. Flawed irrevocably and unapologetic. Maybe we are all blind when it comes to introspection. From here everyone of you looks untouchable. Every distasteful internal dialogue you have shared with yourself about yourself is why we love you. It is a conversation we have shared separately for a thousand years. Like a curse. Imprisoned in our own judgement of self. 

What says the child fresh from snow, self soaked and red cheeked? Snowflakes as big as your hand are absorbed like magic. Imprinting memories of silver and light and wonder. What says the child in wonder of our stupid ways. Trying to make sense of the senseless. restless. helpless. sadness. Don't say sorry. Don't ignore the damage either. Build them a swing and let them ride it in the rain with nothing but their boots on. 

What says the universe of our world? Vast and quiet peering into our reckless spaces. Trying to make sense of our nature. We dance like ants, atop ants. The quiet man can hear the space beyond. The woman's silence is marred with fear. The dog knows already what we are in for and the child, well the child never had a chance. We screwed up but that is how we were designed. 
We did it just perfectly. 

Four decades.

Floating thoughtless for decades, four decades. Gently waking into truth. Mindless milestones connecting furiously like stars manifesting constellations. The past depicting my future. An uncomplicated plan, definite. All guided by unselfish transient souls completely unaware of their remarkable purpose in maintaining my path. Thank you.

Time is a thief...

Helpless to stop the pathetic hope looming deep inside my chest. Tomorrow is truly just another day but if they say out loud that it is new then we have something to look forward to. As if hope is failure I am ashamed that it lies there in my heart. Much easier to know what is and accept that maybe this is as good as it gets...and be okay with that. Alas the human condition. I doubt there is a squirrel in a tree somewhere wondering how they may change the course of their life because tomorrow is a new year filled with promise. 

I don't dislike optimism, I just don't like to be told when I should be optimistic. I would much rather have low expectations and be surprised than to begin to grow my dreams in larger bubbles sure to burst. Regardless it is a new year. So have at it. It is a good excuse to forgive yourself and wipe the slate clean so to speak. Last year was as furious as it was fast. May I remind you that we are lucky here tonight, for there are so many who do not have hope or an understanding of what that might feel like. 

I do fear silent requests to the universe. I fear selfishness. I worry that for every wish granted something here in my heart will be taken in return and although I may only have a small collection of treasures, I am not willing to trade up on any of them. So I will say farewell 2013. I do not look back in regret or anger. I take full responsibility for all my heartaches and blessings. Thank you for teaching me some of the same lessons I try to learn every year. Thank you for the time, because a wise man once quoted to me that "Time is a thief, and I left the door wide open". Don't wish away your time. Revel in it. Even the hardened soulless moments are an opportunity to live, feel, breathe and well, have hope if nothing else.