Love letter to my heart.

My thoughtlessness towards you haunts me.
You gave me everything and moved me forward.
Even when I knew nothing about where we were going.
I am now so grateful for all the pressure you held,
for all the times you pushed me through the darkness and filled my chest with joy.

Maybe you are tired, you are definitely wounded
and apparently always have been.
Yet I forced you forward with carelessness.
You prevailed with grace.

Tomorrow I will ask you for another hard day.
You must be the bravest you have ever been.
I ask you this as one last favour.
And I promise to, forever after, be careful and conscious of you.

I promise to cherish you, feed you, and take care of you.
I will not take you for granted.
I will work with you to keep you light and fast.
Clean and strong.

Please be strong, thank you for everything.

Always - a fool hearted game.

Always walking along the precipice. Torn open between the soaring wind and warm gravity. Trying to fly with all that weight. Searching, forever searching. Building destinations of freedom out of dreams that may not be mine. Yet so sure that salvation is one obstruction away. Dangling in the distance like a beautiful mirage, there lies the promise of home. To which all my hope and focus lay claim. Lost in a maze of my own making, playing a foolhearted game.

Inactive participant

At first I believed I was there. Was an active part of it.
But broken down after breaking down too many times.
I see now, clearly
I am invisible

Mocking nods and chastised whispers
An unscripted lesson on repeat, forever
Washing my brain till it weathered and withered

Few moments of silence are offered
For those times would promote reflection
and offer dangerous opportunities for personal thought
who am I?

In the big picture it is not like it matters
But even in my picture
I am small and getting smaller fast
Pain and palpitations and parenthood

I've been busy which made me light
and although I have proven that I exist to others
I have not done so for myself

It is sad to disappear in your world
and scary to dissipate in your mirror
but safe to despair and deliberate

To move with intent now
seems selfish
I don't need you to know me
I was always there for you
But I was never here for you
I thought if you saw me I might exist

Alas, I am invisible
Even to myself
I know that now
Because somewhere along the way
I forgot to find all my pieces and put them together
No more.