Through the eyes of a child…the world according to light bright.

What have I learned of myself today? I am too quick tempered. Short on patience. Lost in the chaos of my adopted stupidity.  But I am fully aware of my plight and more so aptly capable of sabotaging my self-sabotaging ways. I learned that is okay to hate glass cutting and organza. I will not be great at everything. And if I slow down for a moment, a moment in which one might shoot a deer, pick a flower, give birth or eat a hotdog, in that moment I might see myself playing catch with my son amongst the flowers constructed carefully in the art of colored plastic and electricity. There magic happens. 

r u inspired yet? Just visit...

http://Jacksonpollock.org/

If I only knew I was a Maximizer 20 years ago!

Satisficers are those who make a decision or take action once their criteria are met. That doesn’t mean they’ll settle for mediocrity; their criteria can be very high; but as soon as they find the car, the hotel, or the pasta sauce that has the qualities they want, they’re satisfied.

Maximizers want to make the optimal decision. So even if they see a bicycle or a photographer that would seem to meet their requirements, they can’t make a decision until after they’ve examined every option, so they know they’re making the best possible choice.

In a fascinating book, The Paradox of Choice, Barry Schwartz argues that satisficers tend to be happier than maximizers. Maximizers must spend a lot more time and energy to reach a decision, and they’re often anxious about whether they are, in fact, making the best choice.

http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/2006/06/are_you_a_satis.html

Inspiration: Quilt Art by Fran Skiles

For years I have secretly loved sewing. I have felt guilty on occasion having spent hours sewing when I could be making "art" and validating my years and years of education. I have recently  rediscovered this quilt art that I love and am freshly inspired by it's amalgamation of the two forms. Quilt on. 

Grasping the "concept"

As I crawl from the mom bubble, six years in the making, to update and hone my graphic skills I start to appreciate the newest of social mediums. Such a rebirth is to be taken slowly. Out of respect for my learning curve (and my budget) I have avoided the smart phone. I am aware of its use as an invaluable tool but fear the infection of zombie crackberritus with thousands of new cases cropping up around the globe. As I venture into the newest of mediums I begin to believe I have done a disservice to my blog by using it as my personal diary. So henceforth (Can you tell I have been watching too much ‘Tudors’) I proclaim this blog to be a “personal angst free” zone. I hope to nurture it into some form of inspirational pin board which may in turn provide some value to you. I hope. And with this message I send out luck, health and happiness to everyone.  

“You are never happy.”

Antiques mean something to me.

As I review my strongest moments I am jarred by the visceral reactions I have had once being surronded by antiques. It is like remembering a former life. I must investigate this draw further to see how I might use it in the future to create more strong moments. 

The Law of Relativity states that nothing is what it is until you relate it to something. Point of view is determined by what the observer is relating to. The nature, value, or quality of something can only be measured in relation to another object. How to apply it: Practice relating your situation to something worse than yours, and you will feel good about where you are.

I have dreamed for some time of simplifying. This awesome design would make a wonderful cottage.

www.microcompacthome.com

Self-pity is so yesterday.

I have exhausted myself. I guess I began mourning the perfect summer too soon since we have had two of the nicest days of the year yet! A friend reminded me “it is not over til its over”.  I suppose my children’s unpredictable behavior mirrored my depressed grievance. Their expression of overstimulation was almost a result of too much happiness. This summer has truthfully come and gone with little hardship and with much humor. Even the bad times were the best. In hindsight I am not sure we were ourselves, or maybe we got back to being ourselves.

My life like the water down the road is steady, calm and not entirely predictable but refreshingly reliable. I love the Fall anyway. Even the disruption of my son’s precious friendships via class redistribution is not pushing me to anxiety. He doesn’t seem to even notice. It’s not to say that I will not wake tomorrow in full Ally Mcbeal mode but I am gaining a consciousness for my pattern of behavior. I am actually starting to even accept it. I spent a good part of my early life trying to be everything I thought you wanted me to be. Then I realized you honestly didn’t care or matter. I don’t want to apologize for myself anymore. I am kinda cozy in this skin and I will do better or worse or whatever in due time as I see fit and I hope I will not live with regret. I guess that is what coming up on forty looks like.

I just caught a thought flying through me that said “you are so lucky to know all the people you know” and I agree. I have moved a lot but I have met so many wonderful people that made such great contributions to my life even in the smallest of ways. I cannot imagine touching the life of anyone in the ways that you have touched mine. I am so fortunate. I am numb with contentment. But I still hate fake rainbows and cartoon unicorns. 

A pee and a punch.

If I am being honest, I have to pee. I think I have had to pee for the past 2 hours. I am too angry to remember. I am not sure, but I am sure of one thing. As the summer slows to an end, the school year begins and my husband returns to his work schedule, I am not ready for this. My children seem to have morphed into spoiled rotten undisciplined brats. I am waiting for someone to tell me that this is normal for a summer break but I remember this beginning before the summer. Come to think of it I believe it has been over a year now. Could I be one of those parents with those children and I have just been blind. Is it too late to raise a well-rounded person at this point?

I am not daft. I am well aware that much of this anxiety stems from not having a break from the children in over a year. It may be that they are fine and I am just at a loss for patience. But I am pretty sure that they are not doing what I think they should be doing most of the time. I would have been disciplined for sure a hundred times over in the last hour for less than what I have just witnessed.  Where is the disconnect? What am I doing wrong?

Grandparents often mumble random anecdotes like “I just gave you colors and paper” or “I would have just smacked you on the butt”.  It’s a different world now. Kids don’t play in the streets anymore. You cannot trust your neighbor. The kids are over stimulated. And we certainly overcompensate them for our “colors and paper”. Something I am doing is failing. We struggle to get by only to continue to struggle to get by. I instinctively look to myself to blame for whatever choices brought me to this crossroads.

Seriously, my kid walked into my room today and punched me on the shoulder. Hard. WTF? I feel removed from myself as I look through the uselessness of my day. I am ready for a change. I can envision it for days but I cannot for the life of me see the road that gets me there. Then to ensure my complete hopelessness I assume that my plan is just that. Mine. And in the greater scope of things it is not relevant because it does not necessarily belong to anyone near to me. I mean if they are not on board, then there is no ship to sail.

So I watch more mindless TV. I hate this part of my life. I know it has been a busy, wonderful summer. But why does a vacation have to be a vacation. Why can’t life feel so free and open and endless? Everyday. Surely it can, it must for someone. It’s hard to complain when my life overflows with so many blessings but I am beginning to see that contentment doesn’t sell either. It is the angst that makes the soap opera so interesting. All I know is that when you give your everything to your children and they punch you. It hurts. Obviously I have given them too much of myself. Even if they punch you in good humor, today it hurts. And in my utter shock and disgust I love them more. But as I love I wonder did I fail them today. Did I fail myself?